A Confession
by VBallCutie9
Summary: I am not giving it away.


**A/N:** I was watching HoratiosAngel's video 'When You're Gone' and decided to take the lyrics of that song and run with it. So, this is what I came up with. I really hope you like it.

**A/N 2:** And the boyfriend that I mentioned in the beginning is Jake. I know they dated during the academy so I just had to add that in there. I don't like Jake so I killed him off to compare the funerals.

_I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry  
And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side _

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now_

The rain is beating harder against the umbrellas that have gathered around the funeral procession. Family and friends may be the only ones there but that didn't matter to her. She never really cared how many people showed up to this funeral or what it is going to be like after it. No! All she cared about was that she was never going to be able to face the fact that this was the end of their past, present and future. No more coffee breaks, interviews, interrogations, dinners, late-night research and no more being Miami's finest criminalists. Not only did she lose her boyfriend, Jake, a long time ago, she has now lost her mentor, her best friend. This funeral was different because the deaths was different. Her fellow co-worker wasn't shot on duty like Jake or even stabbed. No, he was driving home after having dinner with her and was hit head on by a drunk driver. If only she had told him, he would still be alive today and not in that casket that laid down beside her.

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear  
To always get me through the day  
And make it ok  
I miss you_

After hearing the news, it really didn't hit her until she went into work the next morning. All she thought about that night was that it was a practical joke or just some nightmare but when she walked into the lab and walked into his office, she saw his desk empty and on top of it lied a picture of him and some flowers at the bottom of the picture. That's when it hit her and hit her hard! She just stood there not knowing what to do or what to say. She knew everyone was staring at her: Alexx Woods, Tim Speedle, Eric Delko, Yelina Salas, Frank Tripp, Rick Stetler and everyone else in the lab. Now she stood at the podium ready to give the eulogy that Alexx asked her to give; knowing that she was the closest to him. Although she was nervous, shaking and still wrapping her head around this, she knew she had to do this. If not for her, than for the rest of the lab. "Hi... my name is Calleigh Duquesne and we are all here today to pay respect to the one and only Horatio Caine." She paused and wipe a tear away, "Many know him as the most dedicated criminalist Miami-Dade has ever had but for those who don't know Horatio, I would describe him as the most beautiful man I have ever come to know. When I first met him, I was kind of weary of him; not because of the intimidation but because at the time, I really didn't trust anyone. But when I got to know him better, I learned a lot about who he really wa... is. As time went by, we became more than just co-workers, we became best friends."

Calleigh looked down over the casket then at the blown up picture of him that was take after his pinning on as Lieutenant. She couldn't help but smile when she saw that boyish smile he always wore while taking pictures. Then it hit her again but this time it was harder. She couldn't help the tears that streamed faster down her cheek and the emptiness her heart was feeling; so she looked down. "The night he was killed, he was over at my house for dinner. It had been the first dinner we had after our huge blow out over a really difficult case." She looked over at the team, who in turn were all looking at and giving her their best smiles. "After talking over our differences, we came to realize that our friendship and partnership were way more important than losing each other because we were too dumb to actually take the time and sit down before we grew more angry at each other. The night he came over, I planned on telling him something that probably would change everything in our partnership/friendship but before I could tell him, he sat me down taking my hands in his and told me that..."

_I've never felt this way before  
Everything that I do reminds me of you  
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor  
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do _

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now_

She took a deep breath and wiped away as many tears as she could before she looked at the casket. Before she spoke again, Alexx was up there with her at the podium resting a hand on her arm and put her other arm around her shoulder giving her as much support as she could. Calleigh looked at her and smiled then looked over at the picture of Horatio and began to speak, "He told me that after everything we have been through these past few months has brought something to his attention and it wouldn't let him shake it off. After dealing with his insecurities, he had a hard time with it because he feared that he would give up everything that meant the world to him. Although everyone told him to give up, something deep down inside him told him otherwise and then our latest case came along, that definitely drew a wedge in our relationship but it taught him that no matter how hard he tried to withdraw from me, he just couldn't do it because he cared too much about... about me.

No matter how hard he tried, his love for me was more powerful than he has ever experience for someone else besides his team." She turned her attention to Alexx and then the team. She scanned each other them then brought her attention back to Alexx, who took her hand that was on Calleigh's shoulder and squeezed it tightly. "He told me that it scared him half to death but he knew it was true and he didn't care if I didn't feel the same way because he knew that even if I didn't love him back, he would never give up on our friendship or our partnership. When he got up to go, I tried my hardest to voice my feelings but they just didn't come out. Everything I wanted to tell him went out the door with him and I just couldn't get them back..." She looked down at her hands then looked at everyone that was there; Alexx Woods' family, Tim Speedle, Eric Delko and his family, Yelina Salas and Ray Jr., Frank Tripp, Calleigh's family, Rick Stetler, Megan Donner, Adell Sevilla, Susie and Madison Keaton and everyone who truly cared about their beloved Horatio Caine.

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear  
To always get me through the day  
And make it ok  
I miss you_

"Instead of saying anything, I just watched him leave. If I would have told him, Horatio would still be here today and we wouldn't be here paying our respect. He would still be here and I'd know he was safe. He'd have been in my arms and all those damn words I couldn't say would have made him stay with me that night." And that was all it took to make her break down. Yeah, the Calleigh Duquesne they all knew and loved was know the Calleigh Duquesne that lost her best friend and what could have been lover or boyfriend or fiancee or husband. He was now laying there dead because she couldn't get the damn words out of her mouth and now she was blaming herself for everything and that is when she felt it. She felt her legs give out and her heart breaking. Once Alexx felt Calleigh's legs give out, she motioned for someone to come over and take her. Now rushing to her side was Speed and Eric. They tried to bring her back to her seat but she refused; she had to say everything. She had to tell him how she felt. So, they just stood there with her holding onto her. "God Horatio, I am so sorry. I am sorry for the words I didn't tell you but Handsome, I am here to tell you know. Everything you told me goes double for you. When I was taking time off from everything, I thought that I was never going to see you again. I wouldn't be able to see that boyish smile that always made me smile and melt inside. I wouldn't be able to feel the touches that always made me feel safe and warm. You are the only one who could do that and the only one I allowed to do that. After Jake died, I thought I would never feel like this again but you opened my heart and made me see that there is such a thing called second chances and I thank you for that Horatio and to tell you the truth, you surpassed Jake; Jake could never make me feel the way you did.

I may not find love again but Horatio, you brought out the Calleigh Duquesne my family knew and loved when I was young. You brought it all out and I promise you this, I will never let it go again. Not after everything you have done and you are still doing. I can't speak for everyone else here but I will speak for myself, thank you so much for being the most amazing Lieutenant ever and thank you so much for opening up my heart, soul and mind." As she felt her co-workers pull her away, she looked at them and smiled weakly. As the funeral was coming to an end, Alexx got up and took her spot at the grave pushing out her hand for Calleigh to take. Taking her hand, Alexx guided Calleigh to stand by her, she wrapped her arm around Calleigh's waist and gave them both a moment of silence. Five minutes past, but to them it felt like eternity, Alexx's husband took her by the waist and guided her to the limo that waited for her to take her to Horatio's reception that was being held at his house and that left Calleigh and Speed standing there all alone. She bent down kissing the casket and softly whispered, "The reply that I have been meaning to tell you Horatio... I love you too and I always will. So never doubt it because you now are in my heart and I am never going to let you go. I love you and no one is ever going to take that away from you."

_We were made for each other  
Out here forever  
I know we were, yeah  
All I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah_

Calleigh stepped back and allowed Speed to guide her to the other limo that waited for them to take them to the same destination that everyone else was going. When Speed slid in, she looked back at the casket that was now being lowered into the ground and heard his voice, "I love you too, Calleigh!"

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear  
To always get me through the day  
And make it ok  
I miss you_


End file.
